How can we improve the level of engagement & strengthen human connection through conversation?

Here are six tips to consider in your planning:

1) Concentrate on the conversation your customer is ready to have in the moment

There is a wonderful story in Charles Duhigg’s new book Supercommunicators, where an Oncologist recalls a conversation with a patient. After hearing of his diagnosis, the doctor went on to explain what would happen next with his treatment. After a minute or two, he noticed the patient had zoned out. “Are you understanding what I’m saying?” he asked. “Sorry no. I didn’t hear any of that. I’m wondering how all of this is going to impact my family.” The patient wasn’t ready for factual detail. They were more concerned with what was most important to them.

Action: Meet your customers where they are & be patient.

2) Understand when you are getting in your own way

I liken preparing for a conversation as entering a cloak room. We must shed the outer wear which hijack our efforts to connect, putting it aside for the duration of the conversation.

• Leave our defensive armour at the door

• Remove the muddy boots of judgement which weigh us down in our own opinions

• Hang up the hats carrying any assumptions based on old information which distort our perspective

Action: Improve your self awareness through a disciplined approach, intentionally checking your assumptions & judgements prior to customer conversations. Also be mindful of any rumbling of defensiveness & when present, replace with curiosity.

3) Ask the right questions

Conversations prioritising learning, reduce our self orientation & foster trust. They make our recipient feel heard. I’ve written about Planning with Questions framework in a previous blog. It becomes less about what we want to say & more about what we’d like to learn.

Deep questions about values, beliefs, feelings & experiences creates vulnerability. That vulnerability triggers emotional contagion which helps us to connect. (1)

Factual questions like “Where do you live?”, or “Are you married?” don’t draw out values or experiences. Reframing into feeling based questions such as, “What do you like about where you live?” or “Tell me about your family?”, evoke emotional replies & make it easier to reciprocate.

Action: Consider the common questions you ask when speaking with customers. How can you reframe them to evoke an emotional response?

4) Reciprocate vulnerability

Matching vulnerability creates ease. Revealing how we feel evokes emotion & emotion is not only contagious, it’s a powerful proponent to connection.

Sharing vulnerability in the professional context however, can be daunting.

Within Momentum Mindset™, we have an e-lesson which has you consider how to share your personal story in a professional world. It supports preparation & prevents you from being caught off guard.

We are all entitled to personal boundaries. They are important for fostering trust. Being prepared & understanding how much of ourselves we are willing to share with our customers, brings ease to reciprocating vulnerability enabling us to use it as a powerful tool for connection.

Action: Consider your responses to a customers curiosity about your work & family, “What made you leave your last job?” or “Tell me about your family?” & prepare responses you are happy to share.

5) Listen to the meaning behind the words

Have you ever been in an escalating emotionally charged conversation & thought, “there is more to this than what’s being said?”

Listen for emotion behind spoken words & acknowledge any feelings you notice bubbling to the surface. Often its vulnerability desperate for oxygen. While it remains buried, it will continue to block the flow of conversation & hinder any connection from developing. Acknowledgement often brings relief, validation fostering connection.

Action: Sometimes the best question we can ask ourselves during a conversation is, “What is this really about?” Broaching it with our speaker starts with sensitively acknowledging what you are observing, without making it personal.

6) Follow up with unexpected value

Recognising & unexpectedly delivering value demonstrates we’ve listened. It screams, “I understand XYZ is important to you & I thought ABC might be of interest.”

They become “touch points” or micro-investments in developing trust.

Action: reflect on the opportunities your customer conversations provide for non-material value such as introductions & information. Stagger your delivery of this value to remain front of mind with your customer.

Customer connections evolve through effective conversations. Preparation should begin by asking ourselves the question:

What do I need to do to move the dial on human connection?

It’s a refreshing change from:

How do I move this customer towards a sale?

Never forget customers can see through our intent. How conscious are you of your’s?

Peta x

Sales coach | Commercial Growth Consultant

Mental Health Speaker for Beyond Blue

Founder of Momentum Mindset™ – 6 month online course for sales professionals

Author of My Beautiful Mess – living through burnout & rediscovering me

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